Saturday, June 27, 2015

Hello Again

Hello again. I've decided to temporarily reinstate the blog since I'm in a different country. I really enjoyed archiving experiences/photos/reflections before, so it seems I should do the same again. It's for my own sake, basically a journal, but feel free to take a look around!

So, context - I'm in Thailand with 3 girl friends. We'll be gone for a total of 3.5 weeks (a day in Tokyo, 3 areas in Thailand, then probably a visit to Bali though we haven't bought tickets yet). Our reasons are:
- get to know another part of the world (Asia!). I'm one of those suckers for new things (culture, people, food, religion, ya know...)
- intend to increase, or at least maintain, mindfulness (hello Buddhism)
- further bonding with each other (side story: the O'Briens and I joke that we were destined to meet either in California or Thailand, since we were all applying to teach in Thailand a few years ago)
- I guess feed and satisfy my wanderlust (*insert any quote from my sidebar on the left*)

However, I've found that this time around, 2.5 years later than my last trip, those "explore the world" thoughts are often interrupted with guilt and anxiety in the form of "omg I'm spending so much money" "how will I ever afford to buy a house" "are people judging me for this trip" and "is this fun and transformative or is this irresponsible?"

I haven't decided yet how I feel about these thoughts. Do they show healthy growth as a human - a sign of becoming older and wiser? Ready to be a real adult, support a family, and live happily ever after? Or are they a sign of becoming more jaded, hardened, and falling prey to work-obsessed consumerism? Where is the sweet spot between joyful experience and selfish irresponsibility?  Being spontaneous and being practical?  Pausing and productivity?

Should pleasure be deserved?
What truly brings me happiness?
Really, what is the purpose of life?
So many philosophical questions to ponder. I guess I have 20 more days to consider them. TBD